"Let’s face it: I’m scared, scared and frozen. First, I guess I’m afraid for myself, the old primitive urge for survival. It’s getting so I live every moment with terrible intensity. It all flowed over me with a screaming ache of pain, remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted. When you feel that this may be goodbye, the last time, it hits you harder."